For most of my life, I said yes to everything. Yes to favours. Yes to plans. Yes to responsibilities that weren’t mine. Yes to people who took more than they ever gave. I said yes because I thought it made me a good person, dependable, likeable, safe. Deep down, I think I said yes because I was terrified of being disliked. Terrified of letting people down. Terrified of conflict, or rejection, or the thought that someone might be disappointed in me.

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But here’s the truth I learned later than I wish I had:
a lifetime of yeses will exhaust you long before it ever earns you peace.

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Research into boundaries and mental wellbeing shows that people who struggle to say no are far more likely to experience burnout, resentment, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Men especially fall into this trap because we’re conditioned to “handle it,” to be reliable, to take things on without complaining. So we give, and give, and give… and then we wonder why we feel drained, overburdened, or invisible.

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Saying yes to everything doesn’t make you a good man.
It makes you a man disappearing under the weight of everyone else’s expectations.

The turning point for me came later in life than I’d like to admit. I finally reached a point where I had nothing left to give. I’d stretched myself so thin that I was living in a constant state of fatigue, guilt, and quiet resentment, and for what? To avoid disappointing people who, in truth, wouldn’t have been disappointed at all.

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When I finally started saying no, I braced myself for anger, for conflict, for people turning on me. But the complete opposite happened. What I was met with… was acceptance. Even gratitude.
People said things like, “Thanks for being honest.”
Or, “I completely understand, look after yourself.”
And there I stood, realising I’d wasted years of energy, peace, and freedom because I’d convinced myself that saying no made me selfish.

I had it backwards the whole time.

Saying no doesn’t push people away, it teaches them how to treat you.
It shows them your limits. Your needs. Your humanity.
It makes your yes mean something again.

Now, I say yes only to the things I have the capacity for.
Yes to the people who matter.
Yes to the moments I want to remember.
Yes when I can give my best without losing myself in the process.

Everything else?
No.

And here’s the most surprising part:
I carry no guilt with it.
No heaviness.
No fear.
Just clarity.
Just peace.

Every no protects your time, your mind, your wellbeing.
Every no creates space for the things, and people, who truly deserve a yes.

Saying no is a skill.
Saying no without apology is a strength.
Saying no without guilt is a liberation.

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The challenge for today: say no to something you would’ve automatically said yes to. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if your voice shakes. Your peace is worth the practice.

“A strong no builds a stronger you.”

Tom Gosling 6/12/25