One of the strangest things about being human is how blind we are to our own worth. We walk around carrying this quiet belief that we don’t matter as much as other people, or that our presence doesn’t change anything. And yet, if you asked the people around us, really asked them, many would tell you a completely different story.

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Research into self-worth shows that people often underestimate the positive impact they have on others. It’s called the “liking gap” the gap between how we think people perceive us and how they actually do. And for men especially, who are taught to keep things in, play things down, and just get on with it, that gap becomes massive. We think we’re unnoticed, unimportant, replaceable. Meanwhile, the smallest things we do are quietly making someone’s day better.

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I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve sat with someone who genuinely believed they brought nothing to the table. They’d tell me they lacked purpose, or value, or meaning, and I’d be sat there confused, because this same person had already made an impact on my day through nothing more than a simple interaction. A “good morning.” A moment of humour. A bit of honesty. A shared thought. We overlook these things because they feel tiny, but tiny doesn’t mean meaningless. Often, the smallest gestures have the biggest ripple.

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The truth is, self-worth isn’t built through dramatic, life-changing acts. You don’t have to reinvent the world or save the day to matter. Sometimes it’s the quiet consistencies, the way you show up, the way you speak, the way you listen, that leave the greatest imprint. And if you’re someone who struggles to see your own value (and most of us do at some point), then building it often comes from taking small, simple steps.

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For me, I’ve always found that service, in whatever form, reconnects you with who you are. Not grand volunteering or organised heroics, just giving a little of yourself somewhere it’s needed. Picking up litter on your street. Checking in on a neighbour. Helping someone who didn’t ask but clearly needed it. Joining a group or a space where connection happens naturally. These small acts create a sense of purpose because you’re contributing to the world instead of standing outside of it.

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And it’s in those moments, the quiet ones, not the loud ones, you start to realise something: you were never lacking worth; you were lacking recognition of it. You’ve been valuable all along, even in the moments you felt lost or useless. You don’t need applause or validation to prove that. But if you do need a nudge, if you need reassurance, know this: most people underestimate their impact, and you’re probably doing far more good than you realise.

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The challenge isn’t becoming worthy.
The challenge is believing you already are.

The challenge for today: do one small act that connects you to someone or something outside yourself. Not to earn worth, but to remind yourself it’s already there.

“You matter more than you feel, and more than you know.”

Tom Gosling 5/12/25